You have probably never seen such a post on LinkedIn, nor is "flying with a baby" frequently listed under "special skills" on a résumé. I'm here to tell you it should be. I am lucky to have the best family in the world. The only hitch is that they are spread out over two continents. Before COVID-19 halted all travel, I was able to take my baby daughter on several trips from Switzerland to the U.S. On the majority of these nine-hour flights, I was flying solo with her. The amount of planning, organization, flexibility, and strength (physical and mental) required for these trips rivaled any challenge in my professional life. These roughly 80 hours in the air taught me some lessons that can be used to tackle any challenging situation - whether preparing an appellate argument, starting a new job, or taking the bar exam.
First, preparation is essential for success. "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst" are words to live by. In many challenging situations, fear of the unknown or unpredictable causes worry and stress. While certain elements will always be out of your control (e.g., the question a bar examiner asks or the mood of a judge hearing your case), the more thorough the preparation, the more confidently you can enter a situation knowing you have equipped yourself to handle whatever may come. Anyone who has ever sat a practice exam or participated in a pre-moot knows the value of good preparation.
To prepare for flying with a baby, I conducted extensive online research and grilled experienced parents and experts. I learned important tips, like always have a bottle ready for take-off to prevent an ear blockage. I mentally walked through the entire journey front my front door to the airport, then on the plane, and finally in the car to my parents' house. I made extensive lists divided into items I need in reserve (e.g. spare clothes), easy access to (e.g. diapers and wipes), and on my person (e.g. emergency snacks). The lists had subcategories like hygiene, playing, snacking, and first aid. I practiced folding the pram with one hand while holding the baby in other. My travel outfit resembled something between a fly fisherman and Mary Poppins, with lots of pockets and pouches to make sure a teddy or sippy-cup was always accessible. The travel was still draining, but the prep and organization certainly made the experience much smoother.
Second, don't be afraid to ask for help. Like many, I often find it difficult to ask for help. I never want to burden anyone, nor do I want to appear incapable. Traveling alone with my daughter forced me to swallow my pride and get over this aversion. Vulnerability is not weakness. On the contrary, asking for help often requires strength and self-awareness. To my surprise and delight, the result has been meeting some of the kindest, most lovely people. Once I was particularly nervous during a stormy winter flight and began apologizing profusely to a man across the aisle for the squirming bundle in my arms. Instead of giving me the stink eye, like the woman seated to my right, the man (I would come to know as Kenneth) asked if I needed any help. Instead of my reflexive response, "thank you, I'm fine", I found myself handing over my daughter and enjoying a much needed stretch and snack. Kenneth and his husband sat next to a teenage boy and his mom. The five of us began chatting and sharing what brought us all on a New Year's Eve flight from Edinburgh to New Jersey. As we chatted, the remaining hours flew by and my daughter had a blast playing with her new buddies. Accepting help, and paying it forward with kindness works in the air and on the ground.
Third, keep your eye on the prize. Remember even the most difficult moments are temporary. Remind yourself where you are going and why. Getting grilled by a judge or pulling an all-nighter to meet a deadline is not fun, but reminding yourself what is at stake for you or your client makes it worth it. For me, through turbulence or tantrums, I always knew I was that much closer to a reunion with my parents in the U.S. or my husband in Switzerland. I cannot imagine a better motivation. Remaining focused on your goal also helps to tune out distractions and detractors. Few situations allow you to feel the palpable contempt of a dozen eyeballs turning to you as entering an econcomy cabin of a long-haul flight wearing an oversized backpack and carrying baby in a large carseat. Thinking about the big hug from my Dad awaiting us in Pennsylvania let me keep my head up and stumble through to the last row.
Finally, whether in the courtroom, the classroom, or the airport, there is never a situation where you lose by being kind and courteous. On one red-eye from New Jersey to Zürich, I was shaken up after dealing with some difficult family health issues, but I still had to keep it together to get my daughter on the plane and back home. Instead of rolling his eyes or complaining about being sat next to a baby, the man next to us told me that he was a father of five himself and offered a compassionate smile. The small acts of kindness of countless strangers and flight crew members have stayed with me, and serve as a reminder that I never know what someone is going through or what brings them on board, everyone is just trying to get to their destination.
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